Mondays aren’t made for blog writing

Day 1 of being healthy, have so far resisted the urge to eat chocolate or a bag of candy. Mainly because I’ve been too busy. Got up early to do some things, trains were delayed, I caught the wrong bus, and it was appearing that this was not my day. But I have eaten well, and am now home, with my fridge full of fruit at my disposal, errands for Monday all sorted by midday. I feel so accomplished, not even because it’s Monday, just because.

Tonight’s workout is like a dark storm cloud drifting closer and closer to me, don’t be surprised if I die at the gym. If I don’t die I’ll be bed ridden tomorrow fo’ sho’. Nevertheless, I’m determined to have motivation, so that I can be hot one day, *sigh*.

Today is a good day internet, by my standards.

Time to do wedding research, which I will no doubt talk about thoroughly tomorrow, you may go now. I’ll watch as you walk away in your tight jeans.

Shake dat ass, watch yo’ self

 

 

 

All original content posted is copyright of Helen Neretlis, A Dose of Dysfunction, 2014 ©

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Junk (food) in the trunk

Long-time, no see WordPress. I may have been distracted by doing nothing and watching American and British shows on the laptop because Australian television is awful. I’m sorry for my lack of blogging, but you know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder, so I assume you all reeeeally love me right now.

Speaking of love, it’s Valentine’s Day next Friday and I am pretty darn excited. It will be my first proper Feb 14th celebration since my previous partner believed that it was stupid and he didn’t need a date to dictate when he should buy me gifts. Little tip, only counts if you do romantic things and buy gifts on other days just because. Pick one.

So this year my lovely fiancé will be doing something nice with me Friday night after he finishes work, but it’s a surprise for me, so I’m very happy. If it involves food I will be completely satisfied. Fooooooooooooooooooood.

Also, I have been looking up meal plans and gym routines because, I am super lazy and have no motivation for anything that involves leaving the house, so I’ve found a six week meal plan for couples, with a shopping list too! Agh, perfection. Find it here if you’re interested and lethargic -> http://www.healthyfoodhealthyplanet.org/menu-plan-info/couples-singles/

I also found what looks like a very tiring routine for my body shape when I’m at the gym so I can’t just do what I feel like anymore, but in turn I will actually start seeing/feeling results (I mean that in the sense that I will physically and mentally be less exhausted, not that I grab my love handles all the time). Eep. There’s a couple of other body shapes on the website as well, keeping in mind this is for the ladehs, sorry boys, and here’s the link for that -> http://www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/best-workouts-for-a-boyish-body-type

Although it is for boyish body types in girls, so I guess if you’re a skinny mini boy then go ahead. I will update with the progress of both the meal plan and workout, not like constant before and after photos don’t worry, just a “yay I look like a babe today” or “I don’t feel like a blimp is housed in my stomach this week, congratulations me!”

 

 

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In other news, it’s been about a week since I brought my adorable ferret home and he’s a handful. But an entertaining handful. He is getting better with biting, if I’m patting him or he’s near my hands he will sniff and lick and sometimes nip but won’t bite hard, unless I’m wearing gloves then he knows it’s play time and he can be crazy. He loves feet, so that’s proving to be a bit more of a struggle. We have taken to wearing two pairs of socks when he’s out, or just keeping our feet on the couch. You can usually tell that he’s about to bite your toes because he puts his paw on them first, but if he latches on before you can get him, he really hates to let go. Otherwise he’s understanding no, but ignores me sometimes because he’s cheeky. Sleeps like an idiot, falls off the platforms in his cage a lot because he is a bit special, and has complete spaz attacks but I really do love him. Franco brings me immense joy, and we’re going to tackle putting on his collar/harness and getting him used to the lead for when we go to the vet next weekend for vaccinations, exciting!

 

 

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Other interesting events in my life of dysfunction include finishing a thigh tattoo I started in September (above, scuse the legs), aaaand that’s it. It’s mainly just me sitting around listening to Violent Soho, Lily Allen and Vance Joy, flipping through bridal magazines, watching Extras and staring at Franco for hours every day. I did however get to visit my ex-workmates yesterday, and it was excellent. They are all incredible people whom I miss every day. That’s always the way it goes. I find people I like and then never get to see them again because of some reason or another. Ah what a depressing note to finish this blog on. So here’s another ferret photo, I worry about his mental capacities. This is how he sleeps quite often.

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That’s enough madness for now, adios

 

 

 

All original content posted is copyright of Helen Neretlis, A Dose of Dysfunction, 2014 ©

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Francolicious

Oh hey,

I didn’t see you there. Let me just put some pants on.

In today’s instalment of Helen’s Life Isn’t Very Interesting, something amazing happened! I am now the incredibly happy and proud owner of a two month old, albino ferret. His name is Franco and he’s pretty much the cutest thing in the whole world. I will be posting photos constantly so, lucky you.

I am hoping his antics and furry little face will bring me a lot of joy and distraction so I can start feeling better while I sit at home jobless and insane. Now while I write blogs I can look at him sleeping peacefully in his badass cage, 6 stories, two hammock beds, some toys and other cool stuff, which I’m sure he will eventually get used to once his tiny baby legs learn to actually get him around places instead of being spastic. He’s cheeky, but now I have the job (that I don’t get paid for, ugh) of teaching him not to be a butthole. Challenging I’m sure.

Helen & Franco 4ever & always oxoxoxo

 

In other news, I’m super great at ping-pong. Like, really really good.

P.s. I’ll get some good photos and post them this week. Photos of myself 😉

P.p.s. kidding, photos of the ferret…and me, because I’m getting my hair done 😀 it’s a good week.

 

Love love love love love

 

 

All original content posted is copyright of Helen Neretlis, A Dose Of Dysfunction, 2014 ©

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Paramore and more and more

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Well I think it’s about time we talk about Paramore, because holy damn. They are way too amazing. If you don’t like them then get outta here, coz this entire blog is going to be about how much I love them and why they are the bestestestest.

This is sparked partly because I recently went to their concert on the self titled tour, aw yeah, and the other part because I’ve loved them for nearly ten years, which makes me feel kind of old (I’m not technically but I feel it, mainly in the face). Hayley is not only consistently energetic on stage, but also aaaalways sounds brilliant. Not to mention she says the loveliest things between songs. Like motivational messages about taking it one step at a time, which in my current situation certainly made me feel better. Taylor, with an injured ankle, still limped around stage being adorable. Especially in the interludes. And Jeremy, just like Hayley, has amazing energy.

I don’t want to be one of those people who are like “omg music iz my lyf xxx” but with Paramore and a few other bands, I survived my teen years, mostly unscathed (not really). So I will luv dem 4eva.

Watch the Ain’t It Fun video clip!

On another note, missed the blog yesterday because of a few reasons…

a)      Stayed in bed half the day watching Workaholics

b)      Half assedly cleaned the apartment

c)      Sweated buckets but with a cute hairstyle at the gym

 

Also, a matter of extreme importance….

I WANT A RAT BUT MY FIANCÉ WON’T LET ME HAVE ONE!!!!! I might start a petition. His name will be Rupert. The rat…not the petition.

Support me!

Xoxoooxoxo IRL

 

Pictures used have watermarks and are not mine, last one I found on google so not sure of source. Definitely check out Sammy Roenfeldt, he’s an amazing photographer.

 

All original content posted is copyright of Helen Neretlis, A Dose of Dysfunction, 2014 ©

 

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Stop flirting with me

Hey worldwide webs, sup?

I am feeling like a giant heap of crap today so the focus of this blog is going to be things I reeeeally like, to take my mind off it. It won’t really be interesting, but will definitely be helpful if you’re planning on stalking me at some point in the near future (you’re welcome).

I love City and Colour, if you’ve never listened to the ear honey that is Dallas Greens voice, bbbooooyyyyy you are missing out. It’s pretty much just acoustic loveliness, and a lot of his music is like the same song changed slightly, but it’s still nice and relaxing and he’s just really attractive. Hint for the stalkers, buy me the albums and I might go on a date with you.

I also really like the girl who works at the café downstairs near my apartment building, she has Pokémon tattoos, and what I am 75% sure are the most heart-warming eyes I’ve ever seen. Not to mention she makes excellent drinks and remembers what I want every time. She’s mine though, so, back off.

Here’s a condensed list of some of the things I am grateful for/like:

  • my fiancés pretty haircut
  • quizzes
  • internet forums (not the creepy kind, I’m not a 45 year old man I promise)
  • cheese
  • my ability to cook steak really excellently
  • the contents of my iPod
  • the contents of my brain (most of the time), (actually no, maybe half the time)
  • the ping-pong table at my gym
  • my MOH (maid of honour, learn my acronyms)
  • my super cute mum
  • the invention of doors, honestly I have frequent bad dreams where I have to pee but toilets don’t have doors, it’s awful
  • Rekorderlig cider, mmmmm

If anyone out there is currently watching me while I write this, through a…well placed camera or hidden air duct, just keep all of these in mind. I certainly wouldn’t be against receiving a giant gift basket filled with fancy cheeses and cider, and…a quiz book.

Not. I have a fiancé, geez. Watch someone else while they shower thanks.

 

I’ll report back tomorrow, with maybe a super great haircut, if I can be bothered leaving the house. Does anyone care? Poll results suggest no.

 

Be safe blogdwellers

 

 

 

All original content posted is copyright of Helen Neretlis, A Dose of Dysfunction, 2014 ©

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Leonardo Dicapriohyesplease.

Well, well, well…what do we have here?

Yum

THE HANDSOMEST MAN EVER IS WHAT.

My passion for Leo is currently at a reignited, all time high, because I went to see Wolf of Wall Street. A good portion of this blog is going to be an amateur, fan girlish review of the movie and also just sporadic comments about how pretty his face is, I apologize in advance. I also apologize for the two day gap between posts, and the miserable quality of the previous one, but you know, it was a busy weekend of drinks and friends and staying in bed all day. Enough of that, let’s get to it.

POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERTS, I DON’T KNOW.

So the movie, it was great. I expected it to be. However, I will tell you now, if you don’t want to sit through three hours of Leo, Jonah Hill & co. consuming more illicit substances than any single human ever should, swearing above and beyond the humble s & f’s, having sex (multiple times with multiple people) and a whooooole lotta boobs, then probably don’t see this movie. Or just because you feel weird about seeing Jonah Hill masturbating at a pool party.

Having mentioned that, IT IS SO GOOD. I might be biased because I love many of the cast members, and Scorsese is great, but it was clever and funny and awkward and, and, and AH. If you aren’t offended by any of the aforementioned reasons that it was rated R then definitely watch it, even just to see Leo and Jonah play guys totally messed up on drugs. Hiiiiighhhhhh-larious (pun!)

The storyline is clever, he starts his own firm of stockbrokers and practically is ripping people off, but he does it so well. Eventually it catches up to him, but he has a few tricks up his sleeve and a lot of friends and acquaintances that are just as messed up as he is. Humble beginnings to not to humble ends, how can one be such an asshole but so lovable at the same time? TELL ME YOUR SECRETS LEO!

Moving on, I mentioned in my last post how great The Book Thief is, so you better have watched it. To elaborate further, I really thought the movie was amazing. The cast chosen so well, the settings are perfect, it does justice to the book and that is all you ever want from a film adaptation. It makes it come to life, and it’s nice to see it portrayed on the big screen through professionals imaginations after I had read the book and pictured many things quite differently than the film crew and cast. I absolutely love Leisel, she is such an intriguing character. I don’t really want to spoil this one for anybody who hasn’t seen the movie or read the book. Do both. Please.

Onto completely unrelated topics, WHY CAN’T I COOK POTATOES PROPERLY?! SINCE WHEN IS JUNK FOOD NOT A BALANCED DIET?! BLARGHGHGH. Being an adult is poop.

Love you internet. See you tomorrow.

 

 

 

All original content posted is copyright of Helen Neretlis, A Dose of Dysfunction2014 ©

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Worst. Blog. Ever.

Dear Diary, I nearly vomited on mum in law #2 today.

Day 2.

And somebody better read this because it’s late and I’d rather be asleep right now. Zzzzzzz.

Let’s recap the events of today:

  1. Got up early to go to the gym, instead decided not to go and sleep for a while longer. And have waffles for lunch. I’m too fit for my own good.
  2. Went and bought a dishwasher (thank the lawwwwd) only to find it wouldn’t fit in the space because of some stupid wooden bars. But it’s fine, we got rid of them, probably significantly weakening the structure of the bench top but at least I don’t have to wash dishes so, hurrah!
  3. Had a major anxiety attack in front of half the in laws…why do I make such good first impressions you ask? Because I’m smooooooooth.

I also ate a really great burger and something else pretty exciting happened but I’ll address that in later posts because I am super tired right now. Happy Triple J Hottest 100 day for tomorrow to all of my Australian friends.

P.s. on a serious note, I recommend everybody see The Book Thief. It is just amazing. You should also read the book, it’s a thing of beauty.

Goodnight blogosphere.

 

All original content posted is copyright of Helen Neretlis, A Dose of Dysfunction, 2014 ©

Numero Uno

A first blog is a bit like blogging to yourself..

Dear (entirely public, readable, internet) Diary. A boy kissed me today!

If you have unwittingly stumbled across this grand opening of A Dose of Dysfunction then Welcome. Come in, make yourself at home. I have snacks.

This initial instalment of my blog will mostly be an introduction, and if you like, you can decide to close your browser and delete your history, but you’ll never be the same again *insert…like, Heath Ledger as the Joker in The Dark Knight laughing maniacally*.

I’m Helen, and I guess I blog now. After turning 20, completing a 3 year Bachelor of Arts, trying a few crappy jobs, some prescription medication, and undergoing some big changes, I’m pretty much still the same weird person. But at least things are happening to me! Debatable as to whether they’re good things.

I enjoy cats, really all animals in general, art, books, writing, reading, buying things I don’t need, hilarious people, alcohol, expensive dinners I don’t have to pay for, my fiancé, socks, and high-waisted shorts. + more (follow me to find out! not really).

I also hate a lot of things, but you’ll read about that soon enough my internet friends.

If right now you’re thinking, “hm, do I want to read this on a regular basis?”… The answer is yes. Because I will probably amuse you with at least 40% of what I write. That’s a guarantee. This will be a daily (I hope) blog about dysfunctional things, thoughts, and opinions on a whole range of topics, mostly the aforementioned loves of my life, with a strong, tangy hit of hatred and cynicism. So if that sounds like your cup of long island iced tea then stick around.

On a side note, Word thought this was a better suggestion.

 

ME BLOG.

 

 All original content posted is copyright of Helen Neretlis, A Dose of Dysfunction, 2014 ©

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