Monthly Archives: March 2014

Never fear, dysfunction is here

Actually, no, you should probably fear. But hi again. For a while there my brain stopped working, and the only words I could possibly have blogged would’ve been errr derrrrrrppp hurrrrr durrr blerghghghgh, so just be glad I didn’t do that.

To update you on the struggles of an anxious woman (hah, little girl more like), I am having very ridiculous days of adjusting to a new dosage of medication, appointments here there and everywhere with a doctor, psychologist and now a disability provider, which I am forced into by the lovely people at Centrelink, who make me want to stab myself in the eye with a blunt, rusting pair of scissors whenever I have to deal with them. Thankfully everyone else is understanding, just not the people that I unfortunately have to rely on to give me income until I can work without bursting into tears and falling to a melty pile of depression on the floor.

To cope, and feed my never-ending abyss of a stomach, I have started cooking delicious things when I can be bothered. It’s nice that no matter what I cook, Nick always compliments me, whether that’s because he loves me and wants to me nice, or because he genuinely is happy with anything even vaguely resembling food being in his mouth, I don’t really mind. I’m starting to experiment, to find recipes that have a lot of steps and attempting things. Banana bread topped with honey covered mixed nuts, brownie with chocolate ganache and vanilla cream, lots of stir frys, sauces, pork dishes, it’s a really delicious hobby. Although now I have to remember to go to the gym if I’m going to be eating things like chocolate covered raspberries. Maybe now I can start putting up photos and recipes of my food, like everybody on Instagram.

This month will be a hectic month, so I will apologize in advance for any lack of posting, since I have many appointments, have to get sorted to move out, pack and throw out stuff, get Franco fixed so he’s not a rude a**hole, and cook fattening desserts every night. Yuuuuuuum.

 

 

All original content posted is copyright of Helen Neretlis, A Dose of Dysfunction, 2014.

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Mind over (nothing) matter(s)

Late night blog about feelings, I bet you totally want to keep reading now.

So here I am, lying in bed next to my absolutely gorgeous, snoozing fiancé, thinking about stuff instead of getting some rest. As I have previously mentioned, some days are really great, and once you get a reminder of normalcy, feeling anxious and sad again seems all the more awful. Thursday and Friday were so good, I felt energetic, productive, and didn’t have constant doubtful thoughts. Then something snapped on Saturday, and whilst driving with Nick (sleepy husband), had to pull over and switch, not without first having a cry in the middle of a suburban street. Thankfully he hugged me instead of driving away in embarrassment which I am very grateful for. Since then I have been back to my old self, and I just really hate it.

It’s frustrating to have a terrible sleeping pattern, to either eat everything in the house or nothing all day, to want to cry and then scream and then nap in the middle of the day. It’s irritating to know that you know hygiene is a necessity in modern-day society, and the apartment really needs cleaning, and you do have friends and people who are there for you, but instead your brain makes you feel like it’s fine, it doesn’t smell that bed in here, you’re hair doesn’t look that greasy, who cares, nobody wants to be around you anyway. That’s definitely something I hate, feeling like I have nobody to talk to, especially now, when it’s 11 at night and my brain won’t let me sleep. People that are paid to listen to me don’t count. As a side note, I do want to specify that my sleeping beauty listens to me and is always there, but I have to let him rest sometimes, so that’s why I’m turning to you WordPress. This post is a true reflection of the dysfunction.

Maybe eventually I’ll have good days every day, not twice then they disappear. Before that happened I was wondering if really I felt that bad, and if I was fine now, but to see the contrast, it’s like a very very….not fine line at all. Completely black and white. Here I’ll show you with a trusty old paint illustration.

anxiety

^ This one here is happiness. When I am happy, it’s like overwhelming, hyper, vomiting rainbows happiness. And yes I used ROYGBIV to remember the colours of the rainbow.

The image on the right is every other day where I don’t want to leave the house, and I’m in a box of wanting absolutely nothing to do with anything.

I hope my beautiful piece of 90’s paintwork illustrates accurately to you, my humble readers, what it’s like to be so used to feeling like nope that you forget how great rainbows are. Although I do appreciate that my cartoon makes it look like I take drugs and then have really bad come downs or withdrawals, but alas that is not the case. The kind of medication I take certainly does not make me puke colours (I wish). Only copious alcohol consumption and a packet of skittles does that.

So fingers crossed that tomorrow can at least be marginally better than the last three days, specifically no crying in the middle of roads. Or at all. An average, eventless day would be very welcome. I’ll think of something a bit more upbeat to report back with, maybe we can talk about The Walking Dead, because it’s getting crayyyyyyyyyyyy.

Goodnight people who care x

 

 

 

All original content posted is copyright of Helen Neretlis, A Dose of Dysfunction, 2014.

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The Diary of Anne Franxious

Anxiety is just terrible. But sometimes you have a good day, and it seems even more amazing because the rest of the time you feel like a butt. So what I assume is just a regular day for normal people is like everything in the world has aligned and magic exists for me. Possible over exaggeration but still, you get the point.

So yesterday, instead of getting out of bed and immediately going to lay on the couch to eat cheese and watch movies, I did productive things, and so many of them. It seems like things are looking up, and I don’t want to jinx myself, but at least for a couple of days I’m feeling excited and happy.

On a grumpy note, I’m sick of people undermining my choices in regards to my education. Stop laughing and saying “English Degree! What are you gonna do with that?!”….I dunno, I could do lots of things. What are you gonna do with your lack of brain cells? Probably not much I’m assuming. Having a degree in English doesn’t mean I’ve dedicated my uni life to learning how 2 spek reel gud. To the people that laugh and say “we all speak it, why did you need to study it?”…I’m sorry to hear about your mental retardation. Stop being such a close minded loser. I can do journalism, things in the media, be an author, be a teacher, pretty much whatever I damn well like, which is better than your 9-5 retail job. Unless you are Sheldon freakin’ Cooper, you are not allowed to undermine my English Degree, I got it, I did it, and I get to be boastful and proud as long as I want.

But back to the happiness, I have a lot of things to look forward to at the moment, so hopefully my brain continues letting me look forward to them.

 

stay classy

 

 

All original content posted is copyright of Helen Neretlis, A Dose of Dysfunction, 2014.

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I wrote this yesterday but forgot to post it

First item on the agenda, I am so very muchly looking forward to cold weather. I cannot deal with the heat, I melt like the wicked witch of the west. Even slightly cool days are exciting for me, I get to start wearing jeans and cute jackets and scarfs and beanies again, oh beanies, I’ve missed your warm, woollen presence on my head.

Second item, old people are very interesting. I visited my nanna today (Nanny), and she is the type of grandparent that loves to talk, she is delightful and sweet and cute as a button. So she was telling us about her childhood, how she would have to get up before school and milk the cows at the age of 8. How she got bucked off a pony and landed in some rocks and broke her tailbone. And she imitated her Greek mother, always hilarious. Sometimes I forgot that older people have really great stories that it’s worth asking about and taking time to listen to. I can’t even compare a part of my childhood to hers, getting up to do chores before school, and not just sweeping the house, but milking cows and doing work around the farm. Then her mother would make milk, and butter, and cream. Her father would kill pigs and they’d make sausages, and use one of the bedrooms to hang them up. Grandparents, share with us your wisdom and funny stories.

Third item, I’m in a weird mood today. Half motivated, half listening to Fall Out Boy and thinking every lyric is speaking to me, am I 15 again? I have decided that since I’m a fatty (I’m not, just none of my clothes fit anymore, weird) I’m going to go through my giant, stuffed, unorganized wardrobe and get rid of things because…I’m not going to wear the 10 pairs of pants I own that won’t go over my thighs anymore. Yeah me, organization, logic, woo.

Other words that describe my last few days:

Franco sucks. Walking Dead. Wedding. Board Games. Wine.

 

 

Bleeeeeeergh

 

All original content posted is copyright of Helen Neretlis, A Dose of Dysfunction, 2014

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One does not simply get married

So Wedding mode has switched itself on, I’ve picked a (possible) date, and can now actually start thinking of venues, colours, dresses, suits, etc. It is terrific fun but also quite terrifying and at times I feel lost in a sea of love, in a kind of sickening way, not a nice, I’m drowning in rose petals way. So here I am at square one, utilising what I can in terms of websites, apps and magazines to find out what square one actually is. Hours of trawling through Pinterest wedding boards, and wedding planning sites like EasyWeddings have helped but also hindered because now I feel overwhelmed and have way too many ideas that I must must must condense into some kind of coherent, classy, unique style. The rundown of things I have sorted out goes as follows:

–          Nothing.

I suppose that guest list, budget and style/theme are good places to start, so I’m roughly jotting down ideas, and the names of people I like (nobody….kidding!). There is a reception venue I love so hopefully that will work out, and it also has a maximum capacity so that gives me something to work with for guest list so I don’t just invite everybody I’ve ever met because I think that’s nice.

If anybody reading this has any opinions, suggestions, resources or anything to do with any aspect of weddings, please do share.

On a non-wedding note, tiny baby Franco is rapidly growing into middle-sized a**hole Franco, but that’s ok, he can bite me all he likes, but I have allllllll the power. You want food and your man-ness still attached to your body? Watch yourself.

Also OUTRAGE! LEONARDO DICAPRIO DID NOT WIN AN OSCAR YET AGAIN. I KNOW THIS IS A BIT LATE BUT I HAVE JUST SPENT THE LAST FEW DAYS BEING ANGRY ABOUT IT. And also going through websites entirely dedicated to posting memes about it. The best.

I promise to write more, and I will continue to annoy you with my love and share wedding thoughts. Eep.

xo

 

 

 

 

All original content posted is copyright of Helen Neretlis, A Dose of Dysfunction, 2014.

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